EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

23 November 2007

I have just realised that I don't want to work in the area I do. This is extremely existential because I have always thought that EUROPE was my call, and it is the direction in which I have been going for the last ten years. I have lived in 5 countries, speak 4 languages, have studied European politics, and have worked in European institutions and organisations.

I do love Europe and the philosophical idea behind European cooperation, but for the moment I think I have had enough for a while. When I say this it feels like I am cheating. Cheating on a longterm partner, realising that I am looking in other directions and not focussing on the relationship I am in.

There are so many interesting things in life. And I easily get interested in stuff. Career psychologists say, that in order to regain your focus in situations like the one I am in, you should focus on what you liked and what you wanted to become as a child. When I was a child/teenager I wanted to become: A firefighter. A pilot. An artist. A surgeon. And finally, a journalist.

And then I chose to study politics because the world amazes me and I wanted to understand events around me, as well as events which have shaped the world we are living in. I do not regret this choice, it's just that I start realising that working in politics/policy, is not as satisfying as I though it would be. I never get that end of the day feeling that I have achieved something really good that I can be proud of. Even being a student gave me more personal and mental satisfaction!

So what can I do? Well, at least it's better to have this kind of life-crisis now than when I am 50, wondering what I did with me life. Now there is still plenty of time for change.