I AM MY OWN HERO!

21 April 2007

I am my own hero! The feeling of getting over a phobia that I have had for over a decade and a half (being 27, this is a long time), is incredible.

I have been scared of flying since I was about 14 and even if I have been flying to places in Europe, Afrika and Northamerica, those flights have terrorised me psychologically. Well, not exactly the flights themselves, because once on board I am quite enjoying flying, but rather the weeks and days before. Prior to each flight, I have been 100% convinced that something dodgy would happen: I used to be nervous about engine failure and bad weather but it was once, when the plane was just about to take off and I left my seat, ran down the aisle and said I wanted to get off, that it my condition got worse and it started hindering my personal, as well as my professional life.

Since I was 17 I have not flown alone. I would have been stuck if I didn't have wonderful parents or friends who patiently travelled with me, or picked me up when I was to travel home for Christmas or summer holidays. Bless them. I am eternally thankful for the understanding and patience they have had with me.

Living abroad, having my family in another country, friends scattered across the world, plus having a job that requires travelling, make it pretty difficult to be scared of flying. I have been travelling by train from the Northcape in Norway all the way to Lisbon (not in one trip, luckily) and then across all Europe, east to west. I don't know how many nights I have spent on night trains and, living in times of cheap airlines, how much money I have spent on trains. Travelling by train has been a frequently uncomfortable, yet uplifting and exciting experience to be fair though.

Yet a new world has opened to me this week when I finally decided to fly alone to Italy for an interview. The trainticket would have cost be 278 Euro. Single. That was the sign that made me realise that train travelling, for as environmentally friendly is may be, it is unsustainable. Just having become single after a 3 year relationship, I realised that I am alone and have to manage my life alone too. God dammit.

So I booked the flight and had just over two weeks to prepare mentally. And it went suprisingly easy. The worst day was the Sunday before my trip-it went by so slowly and there were many moments when I could start crying and panicking. However, I didn't.

I am very proud of myself and my determination to manage to board that plane alone. It's a small step, or not even a step at all, for most people - but everyone has different weaknesses. For me it symbolises that everything is possible. Two years ago I seriously thought that if I ever wanted to go to Northamerica, I had to take the Trans Siberian railway and then cross Berings Strait to Alaska. But I managed to get on that Air Canada flight to Toronto. And back too!

When I landed in Italy last Monday, I had to start crying, being so proud and happy. I spent the afternoon on a hilltop relaxing on a bench, under some beautiful trees (depicted above), enjoying the view over Tuscany. At ease with the world, and most of all, with myself.